How Not To Heal Bruises



TOOTHPASTE IS THE DEVIL!

So, this wasn't a practical joke being played on me or anything like that. My coworkers actually stand by their claims that toothpaste will make bruises fade faster. I personally do not know if this is true or not... What I do know is that after following their directions to slather my ass in toothpaste and then to wear panties over it all through the night I was PAINFULLY glued to my panties the next day. When I confronted them about this they claimed I'd just used the wrong brand or a toothpaste with the wrong ingredients or something.

So, maybe all of you out there know something I don't know but I do NOT stand by the toothpaste remedy. >:(

27 comments:

Miss Vonn said...

hhahahahaha

Anonymous said...

Heat and gentle message works for me, after the initial pain. All a bruise is is blood trapped under the skin, gotta get the body to reabsorb it. I don't know of anything other than that (and time) that will do the trick.

Source: a very accident prone reader!

FireFlyNexes said...

I don't know, sounds like you got punked to me :D

Nic said...

I know it sounds like they were trying to trick me but you don't know the girls I worked with...
They were full of useless remedies for stuff. Most of which were utter bullshit but they TRULY believed in it. There was even "magic" water. Don't get me started!!!

Spiral Turquoise said...

I know for a fact that toothpaste works wonders on mosquito bites and does OK for pimples - never heard about using it for bruises, but I suppose the same principles may apply.

Anonymous said...

Oh my.
What you want is Arnica Gel/Paste, most of the time it comes in a toothpaste type tube and works for helping clear up bruises and contusions.

Also heat and gentle massage.

Keetara said...

Seconded for Arnica Gel and thirded for heat and gentle massage. Soak in a warm tub then use the gentle massage to rub in the Arnica Gel.

Bill_Wa said...

You have to stand by it, if you sat down it would hurt worse.

Nic said...

I've used arnica in the past and honestly, I didn't notice a difference. For me, personally, it just takes time. :/

Still, I don't get bruised like that anymore. :)

Anonymous said...

Only way I ever heard besides heat was using leeches. It may sound gross but leeches have been used since time began and they even have medical uses today. One that I've heard is when someone gets a limb/finger re-attached they use them to promote blood flow.

Liz said...

What I've done that seemed to work was taking a spoon and freezing it, the rubbing it on the bruise. It spreads the blood trapped under the skin to fade it faster so it's not as concentrated. I'm sure it would work heated as well.

SydVixx said...

i hate bruises! i take medication that makes me bruise super easy so i always have them all over my ass/boobs also. ive never tried toothpaste and i doubt i will after reading that

Jaylee said...

I know this sounds weird, but I envy you being able to get a bruise. I don't bruise at all and it makes it hard for medics to take me serious when I get injured. I have broken my nose, ribs, an elbow, and an armament of digits without bruising. When I go into the med clinic the doctors are always reluctant to see me since I don't present with visual indicators :(

LilTeri said...

Toothpaste is for pimples hun, not for bruises. At least not that I know of lol.

Hikori said...

I bruise easily in some places, hard in others, but they tend to go away relatively quick.

I left one on my ex boy toy once that lasted 3 weeks... he was dark skinned so that was the shocking part, that it was visible for 3 weeks.(he asked me to leave it)

side note, i don't know how toothpaste would work for bruises... i mean, bruises are ruptures under the skin, aren't they?

Kotka said...

Actually, best remedy for bruises to let them fade fast is massage & bodylotion... and the kind of lotion that people use for sore muscles.
As long as you will make sure skin will be properly moisturized it will make any bruise fade fast.

tom said...

i have heard that putting a spoon that has been in the freezer works on both hickeys and bruises. Toothpaste... that sounds more like a prank to me personally.

kay said...

Never heard of bruises, but if you put toothpaste (not gel) on zits before you go to bed it will shrink those.

Sydney said...

Traumeel cream. Breaks up the WORST bruises in under a day.

j spiker said...

DO NOT HEAT BRUISES! O_O sorry, but as a massage therapist i'm going to recommend cold pack, arnica (if you go this route apply 3 times daily), or if you can find it some kind of asian linement/medicated oil (white flower, woodlock, zhen gui shea are some of my favorites). i guess peppermint oil in toothpaste could help, but i don't know of any other ingredient in toothpaste that would, so you could just put some peppermint oil on there too i guess...

Natalie said...

As a few people have said above, Arnica helps a great deal in removing bruises. There are a few different ways to put it on topicly, but through research (my own, through the internet, and store clerks) Arnica CREAM (specifically Arnicare brand from BOIRON Homeopathic Medicine) works best.

Personally, I call it my 'hicky cream'. The sooner you put the cream on the affected area, the better it works. If you THINK you are going to bruise, but haven't yet, put it on.

Arnica reduces the bruise, and sometimes stops it altogether. As the bruise is reduced, so is the pain.

You can find this at your local Wholefoods or other similar location.

Anonymous said...

Boxers swear by cold stainless steel pressed against em

SlinkyWolf said...

Well, I've taken blood for a living for over five years, so I've seen many bruises.

The best medically evaluated way to get rid of bruises is to use cold in the first 24 hours and heat after that 'till gone. With either therapy, you want to apply the cold/heat with a layer of cloth between the ice, ect. and your skin to make sure you don't cause more damage. You only apply for 10 to 15 minutes or until you begin to feel the temperature change.

As stated above, a bruise is just blood under the skin. Anything that limits blood flow while it forms (cold), will limit the size of the bruise. Something that increases blood flow (moderate heat, NOT burning), will clean out the old blood from under your skin and speed up your recovery. The key is to help your body heal the damage.

Bruises hurt more or less depending on the amount of blood under the skin. Therefore; the more pain, the more blood. The more blood, the longer it will take to clean it out. Once you get used to how fast you heal this sort of thing, you can actually begin to gauge how long a bruise will take to heal just by how bad it hurts. Tuning in to your body is so awesome and useful.

*singsong voice* The more you know...

Nerdsamwich said...

I knew some medics in the Army that swore by a hypodermic to suck out the pooled blood. Seems a little extreme, but soldiers can get charged with defacement of government property for showing up to work bruised or hickeyed.

Anonymous said...

toothpaste woorks on hemroids

Boomer Gonzales said...

Capsaicin creme and gentle massage works for me. Just don't use to much or it'll burn.

For the really sore ones; use a combination of rubbing alcohol and Vaporub. They'll feel like they aren't there, but will look a lot worse. Give and take I guess.

^_^;;

EoRaptor said...

Like the urine fetish, this is another one of those times where knowing the underlying biology helps shed light on how to fix it. Bruises are a product of two related processes: broken capillaries under the skin, and swollen blood vessels and tissues in response to the broken caps.

The only two reliable ways to heal a bruise faster is to dilate the blood vessels in the area to carry away the extra blood and clots, or deep massage, which does the same sort of carry-away thing. So, anything with menthol/mentholatum in it will help by expanding the blood vessels and getting the swelling out of there faster, that's anything from vapo-rub straight up to tigerbalm or capsaicin. Heat therapy can work, as it also dilates the surrounding tissue, but it can also have the opposite effect of drawing more fluid into the area because it penetrates deeper than a skin rub, but then you're a heavy player type, so you probably suffer much deeper bruises anyway, so maybe heat would work.

toothpaste? warm honey? aloe vera? you may as well be engaging in a slop-fetish for all the healing any of those will do.

short of that, there's only the old parable that "time heals all wounds and wounds all heels."

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