This blog has been many things to me, a place to vent, to amuse myself, to educate... But my greatest achievement has been reaching out to you all, making friends and changing attitudes. I receive beautiful correspondence every day about how I've changed someone's life for the better, made them a little bolder, a bit more comfortable and confident in themselves. If I've made just one person smile a little more then what else can I ask for in a life well lived.
I know this isn't a comic but one of you readers wrote me this and I
just thought it was too sweet and too poignant not to share.
I was asked to leave it anonymous.
"I
guess as long as I can remember, I have been a closeted fetishist. I
do not have an obsession, as it is not destructive. I do not have a
problem, as it does not intrude in my life or my relationships. I do
not have a complex, because I'm comfortable with who I am and what my
erotic side means to me. This was not always the case.
My
particular brand of fetishism is mind control. Not like the hypnosis
fetishists that like actual, sleep/trance hypnosis, mine is more fantasy
based. Swirly eyes, arms out like zombies, blank stares, monotone
voices, pretty much everything covered by Saturday morning cartoons.
What I feel makes my brand less common, however, is that it's the mind
control in itself that's erotic to me. Many sites and resources see it
as a means to an end: sexual activity. To me, a woman in a full parka
mopping a floor would be just as erotic as one naked or in lingerie
performing fellatio or some other erotic act, so long as she had
spinning spirals for eyes.
Hypnosis
and mind control fetishes are all over the place on the internet, with
our communities and boards, but I've never, despite being a relatively
active poster on many of them, considered myself part of any group.
Aside from the anonymity the internet provides (as evidenced by me not
signing my name or handle to this letter) I have been very possessive of
my fetish and can count the number of 'real-life' folks that know about
it on fewer than the number of fingers and toes I have. It always
struck me as unusual, weird, out of place, even at times wrong. I've
seen it called a rape fantasy, among other drastic and repulsive
monikers. This did not help how I felt about my attraction.
Over
time as I made friends, both in person and online, I began to
understand the nature of fetishism and eroticism. Because something is
sexual, it is not inherently evil or bad. To have a fetish, even one as
crazy as I considered mine, did not make me a bad person. I have grown
and accepted this part of me, and have maintained successful, happy
relationships with many friends, like-minded and not. After discovering
Nic's blog, I reached out. First it was asking for a commission, which
led to a dialogue. In our conversations,
she made me feel comfortable with how I felt, accepted it, didn't make
me feel like I was wrong or crazy or weird. Hell, she even let me share
some of my own artwork with her, and even said she liked some of it.
Further reading of some of Nic's posts and blogs has helped me find the
right state of mind to find the right friends; share with the right
people. I'm happy to say I consider Nic one of them. My friends, the
ones privy to this knowledge, have accepted me, every part of me. Some
find my tastes interesting, some find them alluring, some are
indifferent, but the fetish does not make the man.
Blogs
like Nic's, as well as my correspondence with her, have helped me
cement this confidence. Reading her thoughts on sex workers, fetishes,
eroticism, and men and women in general have helped me understand and
appreciate the role eroticism and sex plays in a healthy emotional life.
Like alcohol, junk food, video games, anything that one does for
enjoyment or escapism, eroticism is a healthy outlet when done in
moderation, under the right conditions and at the right time. It's ok
to have a fetish. It's ok to talk about it, to open up about it to the
right people when trust is earned. It's ok to appreciate sex and the
erotic. I'm not a bad person, I'm not dirty, I'm not sinful, I just
like girls with spiral eyes that walk around like zombies. It's the
unique spice in the flavor of my life.
When
sharing these things with people who are open and understanding, it's
not objectifying. It's empowering. My fetish was dark and scary to me.
It was something I was ashamed of, something I was terrified people
would see, that would lead to their repulsion and my abandonment. To
share that with someone, to open that bridge of trust, to share that
part of me that so few see, it's a symbol to that person that I respect,
care for, and trust them like no one else. Something so simple or
silly as posing or acting as if hypnotized, like something out of a
cartoon, it's not shameful. It's not objectification, it's
reciprocation. It's taking your trust and entering into a safe
environment to play out
those fantasies with you. Even my wife, whom I love to death with every ounce of me, plays along from time to time.
My
own fetish aside, people that shun these feelings, stuff them down
somewhere dark, that's where the danger is. I have all the respect and
admiration in the world for people like Nic, who take those things that
society tells you to be ashamed of, bring it into a safe environment,
and let you experience it. It's not raw, sinful pleasure. It's
liberation. It's trust. It's expression. And in moderation, in the
right place, at the right time, it's healthy.
The only great shame is that the line between appreciation and
obsession is a fine one, and sexuality is still so taboo and feared in
society. Expression and freedom are only a blurred line away from
depravity and deviance, but that self-control is much easier to maintain
when you have an outlet like the one the people in Nic's line of work
provide.
But
just by talking to me, by being a friend, by providing her own words
and experiences that I might learn from them as well, Nic has introduced
me to a whole new level of comfort with my fetish. My sexuality.
Myself.
Thanks, Nic."
