A Few Words



I didn't want to say much until things became more certain. Now, the certainty is cloaked in layers of sadness and disbelief. Today would have been the day I was to update about my 4th anniversary to Sharky, but suddenly there are far heavier thoughts to attend to.

I can see most of you were able to find news of this rather quickly. It wouldn't be difficult for you to seek out the details and so I won't go too much into that here. But we have lost a member of our family, the head of it. You never expect murder and arson to take place in your own home. You never expect it to be by the very hand of one of your own. It is a TERRIBLE tragedy. And amidst the sadness and loss of our dear friend and compatriot there is a gaping unknown. Many of us are hanging in limbo, our livelihood snatched from us and our support group disbanded. The future of PAS is still uncertain for now.

John was not loved by all. He had a gruff nature and could be ruled by his emotions. Many people had their beefs with him but through it all he still offered us a family and a safe haven. We'd still come back home, like you do with any family, despite disagreements. And while John seemed to many a hard and uncaring overlord, if you have ever witnessed a girl or friend come to him with tears in their eyes you would see the way his voice and eyes would soften. If you were ever in dire straights John would help you out and send you off with a loving, "Take it easy, kid."

He cared about people and he cared about our community and he cared about us girls. He was proud of his business and he'd made it what it is. And he offered me the best job I'd ever had. PAS wasn't even a job to me, it was getting paid to do what I love. I was given a community of strong, and wonderfully unusual women to call my friends and I was given a place that would change my entire life, for the better. PAS made me the confident and happy woman I am today. PAS gave me a reason to finally start doing something with my art, like I'd wanted since I was a little girl. PAS gave me a way to make a living doing what I love and to do it on my own terms and my own time schedule.

And John made that all possible for me, and for us.

Even amongst my own sorrow my heart goes out to his family, who will suffer worse than any of us. Thank you all so much for your kind words. I know this is a comic and that it is comedic and that my characters are not real but we are real people and Eve and Coco and all the others are culminations of the pieces of the very real women I have worked with and loved. Your respect of us and of John and of his family and the living he's left behind is greatly appreciated. There is terrible mourning in the underground communities here in Southern California. Your outreach and support does not fall on deaf ears.

Thank you.
And may John's legacy continue with us.
The Buxom babes still have a place to play and will be back to their deviant ways soon. Nobody can stop that.

28 comments:

Lori said...

<3 you know how to contact me if you need to talk.

Andy and I are always there for you.

-Lori

FireFlyNexes said...

I know I'm a fairly new reader, but even it the short time I've been reading this comic I've come to identify with the persona's of the people you work with. even if it is a humors parody. I was quite shocked to learn of your loss. my hart and prayer are with everyone.

Cthulette said...

I'm a fairly recent reader, but I wanted you to know that reading this comic has been part of a driving force that has allowed me to become less self-conscious about my own quirks. I'm so sorry that such a terrible thing has happened to you all, and wish you all the best. You have my hopes and prayers.

Anastasia said...

Thank you for posting this, Nikki. You said what needed to be said, you spoke wonderfully and eloquently for all of us. John was not a nice man, but he was a good man. He gave me a roof over my head when I had none. We will miss him, all of us.

Anonymous said...

My heart goes out to you girls, but I know that you'll stand together strong and true. Hugs and love to all.

Anonymous said...

This is absolutely correct!! I have a deep appreciation for what "space" John created with PAS: For the freedom for women to grow into themselves, the freedom for people to explore themselves, the "space" to learn, the friends made, the fun had, the memories, the money, the doors that were open, the parties, and for each individual the list can go on and on. This was a totally unexpected tragedy that will deeply effect our community!

For the lot of us that are still in shock, can hardly fathom, don't understand it at all, and are speechless, this blog truly helps! Talking about it truly helps! Thanks for opening the discussion.

Sunday, Aug. 1, there will be a vigil at Lair De Sade, 7:30pm.


~ Sad :( Switch Yvette

Anonymous said...

Vigil was canceled at the family's request. So thanks Nikki for making a place for us to talk.

Nic said...

One of the girls is putting together a get-together for the ladies of PAS. If any of you girls aren't reached about it by others please send me a private message about attending. :)

Evals Pup said...

Today will let you be weak, but tomorrow you can be strong. Although I've only known about your comic, your club, and you a very short while, I still feel sorry for your loss. I wish you all the best. *gives a hug and smiles*

Anonymous said...

Much love and support to you all. ♥

SleepyKiks said...

I'm so sorry for the loss you girls have gone through. The situation is horrible and horrifying. I wish you all the best and my condolenses in these sad times.

Alaina_soarys said...

Our wishes are with not only the girls of PAS, but his family as well... we pray for them and hope that you all find the strength you need in this dark hour.
Just remember, as long as he is in your mind...He touches your soul and your heart, and through you.... John can live for eternity!

Kate said...

Once again I am sorry for your loss and hope you can regain your strength quickly. I love your work and it has inspired me to continue my BDSM practices without shame. He sounds like quite a man to lose but I know you and the girls will be okay. Best wishes.

Kizumi said...

I offer the perveribial internet hugs and comfort. I saw the the news clip on tv the other day and didn't put two and two together till i logged on to catch up on the comic. We up here in the Seattle/Tacoma Underground morn your loss with you and are keeping you all in our thoughts and hearts.

Good Vibes too you from The Flannel and friends.

Liz said...

You and your comic not only showed me that what I found to be a fun and sexy thing to me wasn't something only I liked, and made me more confident in myself. It inspired me to share it with my boyfriend and love of my life, and now he enjoys it as well. You made me aware that I was not alone, and I will always be grateful to you for that. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, and the loss and uncertainty the girls at PAS are now facing. My thoughts go out to you all, along with John's family, and you will all be in my heart and prayers.

ici1011 said...

sometimes a {{HUG}} is all anyone can offer. Take care of yourself first and the rest will follow.

sammy said...

i'm so sorry to hear, miss. i love your art and pictures, they always make me smile when i'm down. i only wish i could do the same for you.

AngelShinigami said...

It there a charity or memorial being set up for John? Or to help keep PAS's doors open? I very much want to help not only you, but the people you've come to call family. If there is any way, any, to help, even in the smallest way, please let us know.

Nic said...

There were many vigils arranged but the family wants everyone to take a step back and give them some time to mourn and go over their affairs. I can understand that. All of the PAS girls, past and present, are communing together tomorrow for comfort.

There are many discussions as to the future of PAS but no one knows until the investigation, legalities, renter, family and others release their wishes and intents.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear about this :( I'm a new reader, but in the short time it took me to read the comic, I grew to love the characters you've shown and drawn very quickly, so for something like this to happen is a shock to the system.

My heart and hugs goes out to you and to his family.

Switch Kitten said...

Thank you for posting this Nic. Sunday was tough and life has been a bore without you ladies around me. Keep in touch (I mean it) xoxox Kitten

Raine said...

I'm sorry you've lost your friend; my heart goes out to you hun :(

arlena said...

All of deepest condolences and sorrow at this tragedy. i have only been reading for a short while, as have many others but you have made this comic so real in a way, and relatable. i will look foward for your continuing, because that will mean that you are coping and moving foward. May time heal your wounds, and may some good come of this wrong. Again my condolences and sorrow for you and the girls of PAS. Ya'll are something special indeed

Anonymous said...

My prayers are with you and all the girls. I know deep in my heart that you will all make it through this because of the strength that exists in each of you. I wish you all the luck in keeping his dream alive and deviously deviant--I'm sure he would be proud as hell to see it.

Anonymous said...

So, when should I come back to see if you made new comics? Obviously, if you are looking for a new job or otherwise distracted from drawing, there is no rush. But, if you are going to take a long hiatus, I'd rather know sooner than later.

Nic said...

Unfortunately I don't have an answer for that right now.
I've been intending to start up again but I balk at giving you one or two when I can't commit to my regular update schedule.
Also, these last few weeks have been EXTREMELY busy for me keeping contact, seeing people and arranging sessions and jobs. I suspect soon things will calm down a bit.

bdsm Slave said...

I love bdsm games too.

Josh said...

First-time reader, so I only-now learned about the tragedy. I know it's well-past the usual time for condolences and prayers of support, but I give them anyway, if only as a gesture of belated good will.

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